Ten On Tuesday

1. Do you wear glasses, contacts, or are you one of those perfect eyed people?
I wear contacts during the day & then in the evenings I usually wear my glasses - had them since about third grade

2. What is the next item you are going to purchase?
Garland to finish Christmas decorating!!!!!  WoooHooo!!!!

3. Have you ever watched Judge Judy or any other real court show?
Nope - not really I see it stop & move one!

4. How do you feel about fake nails?
I think if they are short & kept up they look nice - I would love them but with contacts they make me nervous!

5. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Football or hockey - I like fast paced action.

6. If you could create your own Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor, what would it be and what would it be named?
Chocolate Gummies!!  Chocolate & gummy candy!!!!!!

7. Do you have any scars?
Yes - tons - don't we all?!!!!!!  One large one from a surgery & then one from an IV, one from stiches - this one I could go on & on about!

8. Does your pet’s name fit them? Is there a more appropriate name?
Zoey is her name & it usually fits her - but sometimes we have to call her the white devil!

9. What is your favorite television show theme song?
Oh come on it has to be Fresh Prince!!!!  Or lately Reba - maybe that's only because that's what I watch in the mornings while getting ready.

10. What was your favorite activity on the playground?
The swings!!!!

ENGAGED!

Now that our families know I'd like to share that I got engaged last Friday November 18th!

Gossip!

Why is it gossip is so much easier to talk about than the real things that are happening?  Is it because it's easier to talk about someone else & someone else's problems & issues than talking about our own - is it to make us feel better about our own issues. 

There is so much negativity in the world why can't we just be positive for a while & share the positiity that is going on.  We turn on the news, open up the newspaper, open a website - sad/bad/negative things are written every where! 

There is a site on facebook that someone has become a "JOYALOGIST" I love this & think we could all use a "JOYALOGIST" in our lives - a little reminder to stay positive to keep things to ourselves & just remember if we are gossiping about others - aren't others talking about you! 

Wishcasting Wednesday!

Today's question is:  What is your greatest wish?

At first I thought this was going to be so difficult to come up with & then all of a sudden that little "whisper" came to me & I knew exactly what my wish would be!

My greatest wish is to live in the present - the here & now - enjoy the small moments in life - realizing great things are always happening around us each & every day!!!!

VERY TRUE!!

Defending the Introverts, Defining Mutuality

Posted on October 17, 2011 by ShastaGFC

If I had to put money on the table next to what I thought was a primary barrier to women building new friendships, I’d put it next to a mistaken view of what mutuality means.

Sure, lack of time will be listed as a more common excuse, but when a woman decides to be more proactive about fostering healthy friendships around her, the fear of unequal give-and-take can stall many budding friendships before they have a chance to get started.

Our Fear of Unequal Give-and-Take

We use language like “the ball is in her court” and “I don’t want to impose” and “I invited her last time so this time I’ll wait to see if she reciprocates.” We justify our wait-and-see approach by reminding ourselves that we sent the last email or initiated the most recent plans, and we conclude that we’re always the ones doing the inviting. Not this time, we say. This time it’s her turn.

A beautiful sculpture from Tolla entitled "Give-and-Take" reminds us that balance doesn't mean we're both on the same side, doing the same thing.

While we may not call it a fear of rejection, we are in part acting out of that fear. We don’t want to come across as desperate. We don’t want to feel like we’re putting ourselves out there all the time, unsure if it’s wanted. We’ve been told we don’t need to put up with any behavior that isn’t perfectly mutual. We want to feel like they like us too. We want to feel wanted. We definitely don’t want to be the ones who give more than we receive again. So we protect our egos and wait her out.

In the meantime, our budding relationship never gets momentum so it never really happens. And we’re left complaining that no one out there seems to be interested in a mutual friendship.

Our Misunderstanding of Mutuality

On Friday evening I was sitting in a room with two friends. Both lean toward introversion when it comes to interacting with people. (Which means they have amazing people skills but being around people can cost them more energy than it gives them.) I was basking in the glow of how intimate those relationships felt, both of them so able to engage in deep, beautiful, meaningful conversations. Their questions were thoughtful, their intuition spot on, and their love so genuine.

But if it had been up to either of them to get the three of us together it wasn’t likely to have happened. I initiated.

As I had the week before.

And as I had the week prior to that.

The truth is that there are just many, many people out there who have so much to offer a friendship– but initiating and scheduling may not be their forte. That doesn’t mean they don’t love us or want to be with us. And it certainly doesn’t mean they don’t have other meaningful ways to give to us. It just means they aren’t going to assertively send out the invitation. Or if they do, it won’t be as frequently as it might be for some of the rest of us.

This is not limited to introverts. Take any self-awareness inventory and there are always types of people where scheduling and initiating will not come naturally for them. I’ve been studying the Enneagram which has nine types of people, and three of the types are withdrawing types, which means they tend to step back or retreat when there is stress (which any new situation can cause.) So that’s at least a third of our potential friends who won’t be out there trying to schedule time with us.

Even beyond personalities and types, we know that we all have different love languages. Someone with the love language of quality time might tend to be more aware of reaching out with invitations than someone with the love language of gift giving.

Just add stress and busy-ness to any of our lives (even those of us who are extroverts, schedulers, and assertive types) and we may not reciprocate in the way you want, when you want. But that also doesn’t mean we wouldn’t make great friends who will give to you in other ways!

What Does Mutual Really Mean?

As I sat there Friday evening thinking how lucky anyone would be to have these two individuals in their lives, it occurred to me how few people will get that opportunity if they only build a friendship with someone else who reaches out an equal amount.

Mutuality cannot be confined to 50/50 scheduling. Equality doesn’t mean sameness. Being in a give-and-take relationship doesn’t mean we give-and-take in the same ways.

For those of us who live with someone– we know that having someone else divvy up the household chores doesn’t mean we each vacuum half the room and cook half the meal. It means I tend to track our finances and he tends to make sure dishes don’t pile up in the sink. Balance doesn’t mean we split up every chore, but that we both contribute to the overall picture.

Somehow, in friendship, we have elevated the scheduling and initiating “chore” to becoming the litmus test for an equal friendship.

What we risk if we wait for equal initiations is missing the gift that introverts or non-initiators can bring to our lives. And we risk feeling rejected if we wrongly attach that meaning to their lack of initiation. And worst of all, we’re still left without the friendships that we crave because we just sat and waited, allowing the momentum to falter.

Give. Give. Give.

I am all for balanced friendships. I don’t want you to feel used. I want you to be in a relationship that feels mutual.

But if you are a GirlFriend who is good at initiating– then do it. Generously. Invite her five times in a row. Be the one who is okay calling to start the conversation. Give where you’re best, knowing you will be blessed by how she gives to you in different ways. And know how lucky you are that you have the ability to give in a way that starts friendships!

And if you recognize that you’re someone who struggles to initiate– then at least be sure to tell your friends/potential friends how much you appreciate it when they do. Express your gratitude, lest they ever feel that you’re not interested. Tell them what it means to you that they keep calling. Recognize that this gift they give is a necessary ingredient in the building of a friendship.

What we need is a little less judgment of each other and a little more hopeful curiosity to discover and appreciate who the other person is.

One Call Away, By Brenda Warner

                   First of all - I actually had no idea of who Brenda or Curt Warner were before reading this book but Wow!  I thought this book was great!  Every time I picked it up I had a hard time stopping!!!  There is something inspiring and endearing about this book and about Brendas story. This book definitely reminds you not to judge a book by it's cover.  I had no idea of what to expect when I got this book - but it was better than anything I could have expected.  It makes your realize everyone has struggles and just because someone seems to have it all doesn't mean they've always had it all or haven't struggled to get there.  I was so touched by how great Curt was with Zach and then again how amazing Brenda was and that she listened to the calling to go to hospice and hold Daniel - not really knowing why - just knowing she needed to.  It was an amazing story of strength, trials, and joy and the great things that can happen if we keep trying!  I would recommend this book to anyone to read!!!

I received this book free of charge from Thomas Nelson Publishers in exchange for my honest review.

Words Of Wisdom

Over the weekend I had 3 open houses & while at them I was reading an Oprah magazine & came across this saying that I thought was beautiful and wanted to share.

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us. 

Red & Black

I am obsessed with the colors red & black!!!  A few years back I found red & black Christmas ornaments that I just had to have!  When I would tell peple those were the colors I was going to decorate for Christmas I'm pretty sure they all thought I was nuts - I heard it wasn't going to show up on a green tree, I heard it was depressing,but I knew it would be gorgeous!! 

The hospital in Willmar hosts an event every year where you can decoarte a table for a viewing & I did it one year by myself & then last year invited a few of the girls from work to participate with me.  Last year we did a geen/brown & pink theme - it was beautiful. This year can you guess what colors we did?!!!!


That's right.........RED & BLACK!!!!   YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have always decorate on  a green tree - but this year we had a white tree to use & let me tell you - it is so SASSY!!!  I LOVE IT!!!  The pictures don't do it justice, you can see how beautiful the ornaments look, or the effect the feathers give it either - but trust me - it's AWESOME!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to  buy myself a white tree to put these ornaments on at my own home!  The designer of the event has amazing taste & had these awesome red feathers in vases & I want to find out where she got those because i think they'd be perfect to put in my green tree!!!!

HERE'S THE TABLE!

Again - pictures don't do it justice - but we are front & center when you come int eh door of the event center and the people were already gathering around it (sorry to toot our horn)!

How Do We......

How do we let go of control?

How do we let go of what others do that bothers us?

How do we let go and just be?

Some people in life are so easy going - others (myself) feel the need to have control so we know how things are going to turn out.

This week I have been experiencing some "stuff" that I keep telling myself - just let it go, it'll all be fine & it'll all work out. Part of me knows this is true & part of me is very frustrated.

You see I had everything lined up and ready to go in perfect order for this weekend. Now, because of one person everything is messed up and possibly will leave me with the brunt of the work that wasn't necessary & I am now angry at someone else who I shouldn't be angry at! Ugh!!!!

How do we just let go?!

I'm obsessed with this song!

Wishcasting Wednesday!

Today Jamie asks:  Who do you wish to have tea with?

I started off so serious....spiritual leaders, famous people, people who have passed & I couldn't come up with anyone specific...so I thought I'd take a moment & read through the other blogs that were participating this week to see if I could get inspired & sure enough....I was!!!!

You

 - blog readers -

we all seem to feel the same way -

let's take a moment today & think of one another and how we've helped inspire each other in some way!!! 

Thanks everyone for visiting!!!!!

How Great Is This Idea

I wish this was my idea - but it's not - check this out!

THE THANKFUL TREE -

Click on the picture to be taken to the website where the idea came from and to get more details!  I just had to share!!!!!!!!!

LUV THIS!!!!!!!!

Wishcasting Wednesday!

Today Jamie asks: How do you wish to nourish yourself?

So I started off by looking up the meaning of the word nourish as so many thoughts were running through my head & here it is:

nour·ish/ˈnəriSH/

Verb:	Provide with substances necessary for growth, health, and good condition. Enhance the fertility of (soil).
Synonyms:	feed - nurture - nurse - foster - cherish - maintain

This seems so simple - positivity! 

However, after I sat a moment and thought about it - I realized we could nourish our body, mind & spirits in so many different aspects!

  I wish to nourish my whole self with positivity - this is such a huge factor in life & I am always working on this!  Being surrounded by positive people and positive things makes for a happy life!  I wish to nourish my body by eating better, and drinking more water (less lattes)!  I love yoga as well & wish I did this more often as this is a wonderful way to nourish the mind, body & soul! 

Thanks for stopping by!!!